I'm a bit sad. My beautiful ex-boyfriend Dee (the guy before Blue) is not only upset with me since reading some of my blog, where he'd clearly read about me and the model in the hotel, but, now he's not talking to me at all ! We've always had contact during the 2/3 years that we've been apart. Oh dear. It's not good. I know what's happened -- he musta seen one of the dates I was with the model guy and then realised that I met him (Dee) one sunday afternoon for lunch the day after.
I know it doesn't sound too clever, but Dee and I are not involved in anything and we haven't been for absolutely yonks. But regardless he's taken umbridge (love that word.) I'm not wholly surprised by his response, but really...
Anyway, nothing i can do about it now. it's done. And whats more as he said himself, he shouldn't have looked at the blog. God, its not exactly like he's a monk or anything... He may be Jealous, but a Monk? No friggin way. He forgets that I know him.
So moving onto the model.
It's very unlikely that there will be any more antics. Don't ask why. I don't know. We're just not likely to get together again, and it feels right. For now. After last time I saw him last about 2.5 weeks ago it's gone quiet from both sides. No drama,nothing happened and I don't believe for a second that either of us is playing games. No need. This is just how it is.I think if there's a reason at all for us not contacting one another its possibly a combination of these two things:
1. He's met someone (hence him texting over dinner when i last saw him) who is keeping him occupied. It's good for him. Everyone like to spend time with someone they like and if there's a possible future in it, then even better.And even if it's just some fun, the guy deserves space to indulge himself in that and make himself happy.
2. He felt that I judged him.
I guess I have judged him. Around stuff concerning money. I like men who are ambitious. Hell, I like people who are ambitious, but one thing I cannot stomach is when that manifests on the side of 'greed'... i cannot tolerate greed.
He's a really nice fella, don't get me wrong, but there are elements of what he does and how he does it that make me think that money plays too big a role in his life, and I don't like that.
As I say time and again people reveal themselves and their true feelings about stuff all the time. It trickles out even if you don't intend it to and in this case, not only has it probably been trickling out but I told him out right that I am judgemental around this stuff and for me to say that to him, is not fair. Who am I to allow my judgements to cast a film over someone's way of life? No one. I have no right. Do i regret it? Nope. Even if that's the reason I wont see him again? absolutely. If I don't like something, or I don't feel comfortable with someone's lifestyle I can simply remove myself from a situation. It's no biggie. We aren't married and we don't have kids, so...
Moving on... The guy who stopped me on the underground.
As I said I would, I've ignored his texts. The thing was absolutely pointless. He's blatantly attached otherwise he'd have made a move sooner. No doubt. The way we met and the way we were together, we'd have seen each other again by now if he'd been single.
So, Scaramoosh! I say... A friend said: ' Whhhy?? keep in contact with him Clare!'
Why would i? For what? Yeah, he was good looking and we got on in those few exciting minutes that we spent nattering - but so what...?? i live in London for God's sake, not in a minuscule village where the prospects of meeting hot guys are limited. Why would i keep in touch with someone who was so tediously slow at communication?
Finally, amigos, the guy i told you about who lives abroad whom I met originally 5 years ago then again randomly a few weeks ago has gone back from whenst he came. We'll probably always keep in touch, in one way or another, and he'll always put a smile on my chops whenever i see his name spring up on my inbox and it's nice like that.
So, now what? Well, I've decided I need to expand my man portfolio.
But first my friends, I need to get my book as good as i can before the end of June when I need to deliver my final draft to the publishers. I'd better make it good. Everything is signed already.
Jesus, a girl's got work to do over here. I better get cracking!