This is the text I just sent to a male friend who occasionally texts me. Recently he's started trying to get int my knickers and asking me to send him 'naughty' texts. Until today I've ignored him:
'I've gotta say this -- I know we have a laugh together and I also know you know about the content of my book - but please. I'm starting to feel that you're saying these things because of the book and I don't like that. If we were involved in something then I get that -- but since we're not, I'm kinda feeling that its a bit of a piss take. I like u as a friend but I don't send my friends photos or dirty messages. I'm 33 years old, not 17. And yeah, I've had a life but really if you really knew me and not just presume my friendliness means any more than that - then u wouldn't even send me texts like that. Look have a nice night tonight and find a woman who wants you to bang her who will send u rude messages. Its not me. Even for a laugh, I don't do that stuff.'
This is what I would have text if I hadn't been trying to be kind and diplomatic:
'I think you're a cheeker fucker for, 1. Suggesting I send you dirty texts since I've never once ever implied that I find you even remotely attractive.
2. Did you realistically expect me to find you attractive? I know its not all about looks -- but please, come on. Get off your deluded horse and don't insult me by thinking that your personality is so magnificent that you could persuade me into your bed with this alone.
You have got to be joking. And even if you'd turned up to bang me for money all those years ago.. Truthfully? I'd have sent you packing. Get a grip and stop hassling me with your stupidness. Goddit.'