OK, so what’s happening with me? Well, this coming week all being well I should be making my television debut. I shall tell you more before the due day. I hate blabbing, and risking embarrassment if the program pulls out last minute and it doesn’t happen. It’s exciting, altho the idea of it is also nerve wracking. Arrgh! I won’t be telling my dad about the show even though a day or so afterwards I am going north to see my Pops and my step-ma who are renewing their wedding vows. Very modern of them! Love that!
There, I shall meet one of my father’s sons whom I have never met before. That’ll be weird and I’m looking forward to it greatly. The son and his wife have two tiny children, who will be with them at the party. I love kids and kids seem to like me too, so it’ll be fun.
I’m feeling a bit lonely this evening. I can see friends, but it’s a different type of lonely I’m feeling. I wish I had a man to snuggle. I haven’t really felt this for some time – but I’m feeling it tonight. Yeah, I’ve felt like some sex over the last few weeks, but this is different. I’d love a cuddle and for some hot guy to be stroking my arm while we watch a film or something.
It’s not really about sex... well, maybe it is. It’s always about sex, right? Whatever.
Anyway, reality states that I won’t be snuggling anything tonight except my pillow. My days of random ‘comfort’ have well past. Ironically, an ex-sex buddy, S, the film guy who I used to see from time to time (over the past 3 years or so) contacted during last week to see if I wanted us to spend this weekend together. I didn’t want to, although I stupidly said that I would. Why?? Why do I do that? It’s silly. I then back tracked over a text and told him that I couldn’t do it. Of course I could, but I didn’t want to. Not with him. We’ve known each other in their capacity for so long and about a year ago I decided not to go down that road again, preferring us to be platonic friends. But who am I kidding? S. and I would never be ‘just’ friends.
So why didn’t I just do him tonight? I really don’t know why to be truthful.
You know something? I do not have any male friends that I fancy. Not one. Guys whom I have found attractive and I’ve had a ’friendship’ with, I can pretty much say that I have slept with them. And since I decided to have a cull of the ‘friends’ with whom I’ve had sex - I am now left with mainly female friends. The majority of my boy-pals have gone. Poof!
“You saying you can’t be friends with an attractive man, Clare?”
“I suppose I could. I’m sure I could. But I’d definitely think about seeing them naked and that stuff just gets in the way, doesn’t it?”
“ That’s lame!”
“So..?! I’m being honest.”