How am I? Great. Everything’s rosey. Just the small issues of: jobless, pennyless, boyfriendless and I’m finding it very difficult to get up in the mornings. I have no motivation and I'm feeling wooried more than not.
I’m up and down like a homing pigeon that’s lost its way at the moment... In fact - do homing pigeons ever lose their way?
Whatever. I’m as changeable as any other person who has just split with their boyfriend, lost their job and who is as broke as a joke would be.
Yep, welcome to my world.
One benefit to all this is that I have been re-establishing my friendships. I’m really bad at keeping regular communication with people. A part of that problem is my fear of speaking on the phone. Another part is inherent laziness, but thankfully my friends are forgiving and understanding of my quirks.
Until yesterday when i spoke to Dee then later argued with him – I was sort of bumbling along focused on getting my act together, and now? Now, I’m a bit all over the place. Not nearly as positive as i had been before hearing from him yesterday, but i suppose I’m OK.
I had had his email address blocked from my account and when i decided to unblock it, (because i believed sincerely that I wouldn’t hear anything from him) I got a message within a few hours.
So, yesterday I met with someone who I’m very close to who I’ve never mentioned here before. Our friendship is complex and I’m not sure how to describe it yet... I will eventually. I met with this person who is like a surrogate father figure to me - let’s call him HD -Honorary dad, and I was sobbing. I was so upset about Dee and lack of work etc.
On his way back home, HD ( honorary dad) took it upon himself to text Dee and told him to leave me be. (that rhymes) and for him(Dee) to get on with his life. He went on to say that out relationship is ,and has been damaging to both of us and we both need to move on.
Oh dear. I didn’t ask him to do this, but I’ve privately pleased that he has. I need to feel supported. Someone is fighting for me.
This is all my fault for talking to Dee and responding to that dastardly email in the first place, so I’ve put it on myself. At least one thing was proven after talking to him: Dee and I really can not get on.
So, about tonight. I’m going out. Again! I know! My thoughts exactly... Can’t keep this girl indoors at the moment! The other night I went to the opening of a west end show ‘Avenue Q.’ It was the new one. Brilliant, it was! Absolutely hilarious. I couldn’t comprehend how they’d do it since the stars are puppets – but it’s funny as hell. It’s definitely an adult show, so don’t get ideas to take your babies along...
Tonight I am on a date-non-date-kinda-date-meeting. I’m nervous and excited. As I’ve said 10000028646 times before, I’m off men. But I can still meet new people. And tonight I am meeting someone new. I’ve met three new possible friends this week. Life’s good when I’m not focused on the possibility of being homeless, and the fact that I am boyfriendless, and jobless.
The essence of being alive is communication, in my opinion, so it doesn’t get better than interacting with interesting folk. When I don't communicate with my friends, you know what I'm doing? Acting dead.
I’ll let you know how it goes. Strangely I feel a little anxious about the fact that this guy is really posh. Hate that word – but what other word can I use? Incredibly well spoken? Whatever, he has an accent which I don’t have. I don't speak with a strong northern accent, I’m pretty neutral, but neither do I speak with plumy tones. I just hope he’s as down to earth as he comes across.
Of course you will be the first to know what I really think. As always.